Why do you keep pretending?
by Laurissy
Summary: Blackwall and Cole know that Solas is hiding his true feelings. But will he ever admit that to anyone even himself. Character study with a little bit of fluff. Enjoy


**A/n feeling pretty inspired by all the Solas love on tumblr, so working on a one shot I've had in my head for a while. Solas is trying to hide how he feels for the Inquisitor but no one is buying it, least of all him. So this for Solas' relationship with others, hope you all like it.**

The boy was quiet. Even Solas found it difficult to keep his eyes on him, he was compelled to look away and the memory of him seemed to seep away like water into the earth. He had noticed the spirit and he knew that he'd given them warning of the templar's attack.

Her remembered a phrase spoken by a soft voice "even now she shines bright like the sun" he tried to remember more but his mind betrayed him.

"Are you going to play or are you going to keep staring into space?" Blackwell asked grumpily, he'd already lost 4 games and 60 silver but there wasn't much else to do on this journey. He just had to hope that this base the inquisition headed for existed and that they'd get there before supplies ran out. The hope and fervour that had sprung up now that Tauriel had returned from the dead had given everyone this mad energy. It no longer mattered that it was too cold, the rations was lousy, she was going to save them all.

"I'm not sure you can afford it" Solas said drily in a tone that dripped with arrogance. Blackwall bristled slightly and was about to set up another game but he knew the elf was right and he couldn't afford to loose his clothes again.

Blackwall tapped his fingers on the table, struggling to find a response. "Well I suppose we'll arrive soon"

The doubt implied in his question annoyed Solas but he didn't want to seem overly churlish so he let the slight go. "A proper base will make the inquisition more effective and once a leader is in place then this movement will be able to wield considerable power."

" So you agree with what everyone is saying that Tauriel will be the inquisitor?" Blackwall asked.

Solas felt a pang in his chest as he heard the question, he shook the sentimentality away. " I believe that speculation is pointless, it would be foolish for anyone to challenge the herald, her lack of experience is a mark against her but only she has the power to stop what is coming."

He had to hide a grimace, he couldn't let his guilt show. He would stop this and fix the mistake he made. For her if nothing else, she didn't deserve to be mixed up in this mess. He'd placed this girl in the middle of a maelstrom. Her resolve was incredible and her passion was awe inspiring, her thirst for knowledge was tempting. "Is that all she is, a means to an end, a key to a lock?"

"Don't be foolish" Solas replied "Her function as a key is over, now she must be a beacon and bring the peoples of this world together to stop Corrypheus."

"The way you talk about her" Blackwall shook his head "it's like she's not a person, it's a little scary."

Solas sighed "It's the way things are, no matter what value you place on them."

Blackwall collected his cards "You're probably right but it sounds lonely and trust me loneliness is a poison that I don't want her to suffer through."

" She's not a victim, she is powerful and she has the chance to reshape the future" Solas said his eyes darkening but Blackwall wasn't Looking at him, focusing on putting the cards into the box.

Blackwall gave a small smile and turned to walk away and asked "Is that how you started?"

"What?" He asked annoyed

"One day I'll reshape the future as soon as I'm powerful enough" Blackwall didn't wait for an answer, he just walked away. Solas was stunned, how could he possibly have that much insight, did he let his guard slip?

"It's obvious" a soft voice spoke "You wear your loneliness like a badge of Honor, pride for all to see but it makes you sad but you keep pretending."

"I'm not pretending anything, I just am what I am." He looked towards the spirit who had materialised in front of him.

"You are pretending, you're pretending you don't care about her." Cole told him.

Solas looked down at the ground "Of course I care, this mission is too important, if she doesn't succeed this world and the next will fall apart."

"What good is the world if she's not in it?" He asked and then he paced "her green eyes so inquisitive but so full of loss, arms reach out to comfort but always stopped, never reaching out, always wanting."

"Stop, please" Solas had a flash of insight "Cole stop."

Cole tilted his head confused "you remembered who I am, only Rhys could do that."

"I have lots of experience with spirits" Solas explained " you are certainly a unique case, you're compassion aren't you."

"At first, I didn't know, how to be me." Cole said agitated " I still don't"

Solas put an arm on the boy's shoulder "Don't worry, I'll help you." He tried to radiate calm knowing that sprits reflect the emotions of those around them.

"Why me?" He asked "Why not her?"

Solas pulled his hand away, trying to hold onto the calm he had regained but thinking about her made it so difficult. Cole continued "You want to help but you let yourself bleed, she's different and that's terrifying, why before you were upset, you thought she was dead, I comforted you, I thought I'd helped your pain but it's still there red and knotted."

"Cole you can't fix everything especially not me."

"But if you reached out, like you did to me?" Cole asked.

"It's not that simple."

"You make it difficult, pretending is easier, I used to pretend, it's not nice pretending, you get things muddled and you forget who you are." Cole's eyes filled with melancholy as he remembered.

"If only I could" he thought to himself. " Cole let me help you, control your power." Solas told him.

"Thank you but you have to reach out" Cole told him.

"And do what?" Solas asked, Cole had disappeared but the memory was clear and focused, he wanted him to remember.

He went to her, what else could he do? Compassion always demands a price. But how could he do it lay himself bare, he wanted to help her. But he knew it was more than that he wanted her. As what he wasn't really sure, at first all he wanted was friendship, someone who would listen and more importantly ask. But now he felt a heat inside of him that he had not felt for so long. When he thought she'd died, he felt pain, deep pain. He thought he'd cut himself of from such pain.

She was lying at a desk, she'd fallen asleep in a book. She was always trying to learn even if she didn't have time, she read into the small hours, trying to consume as much as she could. She looked so innocent, she didn't look like the leader of a new army. She looked like a woman, beautiful in her determination. He reached down and picked her up, she was quite light considering she spent most of her time wielding weapons that were bigger than her. As he moved her she tried to grab the book. Solas chuckled at this and took her back to her bedroll. She looked so peaceful, the eye in the storm. The hope on which everything turned and she was very beautiful. He felt weak for admitting it even in his head. He set her down and walked away. He stopped and said words that he didn't think he'd ever say and certainly not with the serenity in which he now meant them. "Are lath ma Vhenan."

 **A/n so I hope you enjoyed that I actually wrote it on my iPad so that was difficult. I've been wanting to write a fanfic with some Blackwall Solas interaction because I think they're so similar but also really different. Also in my play through I head cannon that Blackwall was a surrogate father for my lavellan and it does create a rather interesting dynamic that i hope to explore more in further fanfics. Cole and Solas is a bit more obvious but I'm not completely happy with the way I've written Cole. I have a lot of respect for Patrick Weekes right now and also some fluff at the end because cute.**


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